Today is a Procession of Bast Before Ra, She is Angry. We are meant to bring beautiful and delicious offerings before Bast to be in Her favor during this day, and yet, it’s late and I have some other things going on.
I cannot, in this state of tiredness, do much for the anger of Bast. However, I did wind up doing something right by Bast-Mut today.
I started a keto diet recently and was doing good for a while, but then I needed food bad (I live in various places as a flight attendant, commute to another state, don’t have my own car, etc) and cheated on my diet with Chinese food. WOW.
Ever since I had cheated on the diet, I felt HORRIBLE. I felt guilty. I was putting myself down. I WAS EATING MY HEART.
I cheated more. More guilt. More heart eating.
Today, in lack of proper food, time, and more guilt for having eaten cereal for breakfast (the only thing I had), I didn’t eat anything until just now. Roughly 12 hours of tiny snacks and a small bowl of cereal. I was starving myself for lack of proper keto food. For guilt.
My real mom knocked a bit of sense into me, as we were following the diet together, and told me basically to screw the diet, you are starving, you need to keep your metabolism going.
And then as I sat here eating my sandwich and dedicating it to Bast-Mut, I finally felt that jab of an angry goddess who has been teaching me AGAINST eating my heart these past years. I thought I had finally gotten over it but here I was, doing it in a different way.
So while this has nothing to do with the festival, it does have to do with an angry Bast-Mut. She is angry because She loves me so much.
And as we share this sandwich together, guilt-free, I feel that yes, I have appeased her.